The Strength to Back Down
by Jin Namaru
Summary: After Akira's death, Shiki struggles with severe internal conflicts. Will he continue to fight, or will he abide by his deceased lover's wishes and strive to begin a new life? This is basically an alternate ending for TNC that I thought of one day while I was bored. (Contains yaoi and violence... you have been warned.)
1. Chapter 1

_The Strength to Back Down_

**Chapter 1: Recalling the Beginning**

The violet moonlight illuminated the figure of a lone man who stood atop the roof of a large, abandoned building. He was rather tall, and his arms were quite muscular. His shaggy black hair seemed to dance in the cool, light breeze that swept through the area. His piercing crimson eyes were fixed on the vacant, ruined city of Toshima below. He was sporting a pair of black leather pants, black boots, a black T-Shirt, and a black short-sleeved jacket which extended down past his knees. Both of his hands were concealed by a pair of black gloves, and his left one was clenched tightly around the hilt of a katana. Around his neck hung a small silver cross which was attached by a chain necklace.

"Why am I so conflicted?" He muttered under his breath in a deep voice. "I wish to fight more than anything. My only desire is to find them and slaughter them until nothing remains... until nothing remains to prove that they once existed. I must annihilate all of them!" He suddenly closed his eyes, and his entire body began to tremble slightly. "...but every time I imagine myself killing them, I always hear your final words in my head..." A single tear suddenly rolled down his right cheek, glistening as it reflected the moonlight. "...Akira..."

* * *

A black-haired male stepped through the streets of a ghost town, and his presence was virtually concealed by the shadows of the night. Eventually, he encountered a small group of men who were all ganging up on a younger, silver-haired male. Upon witnessing this scene, the black-haired male momentarily unsheathed his katana and began to slash through all of them without a second thought. A few of the men desperately pleaded for the assailant to spare their lives, even offering to surrender all of the dog tags they wore around their necks to him. However, their efforts were utterly futile. No matter how much they begged, the mysterious man continued to slice into their flesh. Blood began to spurt out in all directions, splattering onto the murderer's face and clothing. In a matter of seconds, each of the men were nothing more than mangled corpses... except for the silver-haired teenager who had been attacked by them.

After a few moments of silence, the man with black hair stepped forward again and pointed his katana at the one male whose life he had not yet taken. His crimson eyes were locked on the teenager's sapphire ones, which held a tinge of horror due to the gruesome scene that had just occurred. The older male kept the tip of his katana blade pressed up right against the other's throat, and he finally spoke up in a deep, sadistic tone.

"Aren't you going to plead for your life as well?"

"Never..." The silver-haired boy clenched his teeth, and his eyes narrowed.

"Oho?" A genuinely surprised expression appeared on the assailant's face briefly, and then his lips slowly curved upward to form a small smile. "Such defiance... I find your expression absolutely intriguing." He finally lowered his weapon and returned it to its sheath. "Perhaps I'll spare your life for now. Until we meet again..." After those final words were uttered, he turned around and vanished into the shadows once again.

Several weeks passed before the black-haired male and the silver-haired teenager had another encounter. This time, the former became much more rough with the younger male, keeping him pressed up against a wall whilst he attempted to strangle the life out of him.

"Will you still not plead for mercy?"

"..." The young male said nothing in response, gasping for air as he glared at the black-haired male.

"Interesting..." The older male finally released the younger one's throat, tossing him onto the hard pavement below. "I believe I could enjoy your company. You shall join me on my way home today."

"I... w-won't go with you... Shiki..." The silver-haired boy coughed inbetween words, rubbing his throat as he tried to sit up.

"Ah, so you _have_ heard of me." The faint smile returned to Shiki's lips, and he stepped forward, pressing his right foot down against the other male's side. "If that is truly the case, then you must realize that it would be futile to resist me..." He suddenly delivered a swift kick to the other male's stomach, causing the boy to double over and cough yet again. The extreme force of the kick seemed to put him in a daze, nearly making him lose consciousness. Taking advantage of this opportunity, the black-haired male bent down and picked the teenager up, slinging him over his shoulder.

After the duration of approximately fifteen minutes, they both arrived at Shiki's residency. He lived in one of the abandoned buildings in an extremely secluded area of Toshima where few men ever visited.

The black-haired male carried the youth upstairs to his room, then dropped him down on the bed. Afterward, he handcuffed both of the boy's wrists to the bedposts. By that time, the silver-haired male was starting to come back to reality, and he looked around in a confused manner.

"Wh-where am I?"

"You are in my room." Shiki replied, sitting down on the bed beside his hostage. He slowly reached out, grabbing onto the boy's chin firmly as he locked his gaze directly on those sapphire eyes once more.

"Tch!" The silver-haired male's eyes narrowed again, giving his captor that same glare while he began tugging at his bonds. However, he soon stopped after realizing it was useless. "What are you planning to do with me?"

"I will show you soon enough..." Shiki's red eyes were stained with malevolence as he slowly turned his head and fixed his vision upon the area containing the teenager's reproductive organ.

As the months passed, the silver-haired boy became nothing more than a slave to Shiki's harsh sexual desires. Naturally, the teenager tried to resist at first, but there was nothing he could do to escape. He gradually grew accustomed to Shiki's treatment, regarding it as part of his normal daily life.

One particular day, Shiki returned from slaughtering another group of men, and his right cheek was splattered with blood. He stepped into the room, heading toward the bed as he spoke up in his usual deep voice.

"Akira, are you hungry?"

"A little..." The silver-haired male replied, and his cheeks turned a faint shade of crimson when his stomach suddenly growled. He was still handcuffed to the bed... he hadn't been released even once since the first night his captor brought him there.

"So it seems." Shiki smirked as he took a seat on the bed and pulled out a package from within his cloak. After opening it, he lowered the square morsel down to the other male's lips. "I brought your favorite."

Akira opened his mouth and took a bite of the food, chewing it up slowly before he swallowed. Then, he repeated the process until he finally finished his meal. Afterward, Shiki leaned down and licked off a crumb that had been left behind on the right corner of Akira's mouth.

"Hmm... I will never understand why this flavor pleases you so much. It is far too bland." The black-haired male slowly moved his left hand and slipped it under the younger male's orange T-Shirt. "...but I suppose your taste in nourishment is one aspect which makes you unique, along with your behavior... that is partially why I am so interested in you..." He began to softly rub the teenager's belly, using his middle finger to stroke the piercing that was present inside the boy's navel.

Akira's cheeks flushed a light shade of crimson again, and every muscle in his body tensed up slightly. He seemed to understand his imminent fate.

After a few moments, Shiki lifted up Akira's shirt and leaned down again. He moved his own hand away and slowly extended his tongue, using it to fiddle with the other male's bellybutton ring. Akira cringed slightly, bracing himself for the pain of possibly having his piercing forcefully removed. However, Shiki did not attempt to yank the ring out after all... he was merely playing with it. As he continued to do so, he moved his hand downward and unzipped Akira's pants. Finally, he retracted his tongue and lifted his head while he began to slip off the young male's slacks.

In a matter of minutes, Akira was utterly naked, and all of the garments that had been covering the lower half of Shiki's body had been removed. Each of the missing clothing items were strewn about on the floor. Shiki parted Akira's legs, climbing on top of him and forcing his own reproductive organ into the other male's body. The silver-haired teenager made an agonized gutteral noise when he felt the other male's warm manhood enter inside of him. Then, the dominant man began to thrust his part deeper and deeper inside, and his body naturally bounced up and down as he did so, causing the bed to creak.

As the white liquid started to pump into Akira's body, he clenched his fists tightly. Various moans of pain and pleasure escaped from his mouth, and beads of sweat began to form on his entire body while his face became more flushed than usual. "Sh-Shiki..."

The noises that Akira made only caused Shiki to become even more aroused, and he began to thrust harder. As a result, Akira's moans grew louder, and his body heaved upward as he writhed in pain.

"Sh... Sh-Shiki... you're... b-being too r... r-rough again..." The submissive boy managed to speak in a barely audible voice.

Shiki merely ignored his hostage's words, still pumping at a quick pace. Akira closed his eyes, and his entire body was shiny with perspiration. He clenched his teeth tightly, attempting to hold back the noises that were threatening to explode out from him. However, in a matter of seconds, he couldn't hold it in any longer. His mouth opened, and he finally began to scream.

After nearly an hour had passed, Shiki's lust was finally satiated. He slowly pulled his manhood out of Akira's body and released a deep, content sigh from his lungs. He was somewhat sweaty and flushed also, but Akira was much worse. The silver-haired boy was covered in sweat from head to foot, and he couldn't stop trembling. He breathed heavily, unable to speak for the time being.

Shiki noticed his sexual partner's agony and fatigue... and an expression of compassion suddenly appeared on the older male's face. He carefully leaned down and pressed his lips against Akira's forehead. Then, he whispered softly into the teenager's ear, using the back of his hand to caress the boy's right cheek.

"Deep, slow breaths..."

Akira nodded in response, and he began to inhale and exhale deeply. There were traces of confusion in his expression since his captor had recently become more gentle with him than usual. Shiki himself continued to stroke the other male's cheek affectionately, not yet realizing that he was beginning to regard Akira differently. Instead of viewing him as merely a sexual toy, Shiki was starting to develop actual feelings for him.

As the minutes passed, Shiki kept his gaze directly on Akira's gorgeous eyes. He felt a tinge of pain in his heart at seeing the younger male in such a state, and he still could not understand why. Eventually, he stood up and walked over to a table near the bed, then picked up a small, shiny object from the surface. Afterward, he stepped back over to the bed and began to tinker with the handcuffs, revealing that the object had been a key. He released both of Akira's wrists, then took a seat on the bed again.

Akira blinked in confusion and slowly sat up, using his left palm to rub his right wrist and then vice versa. He spoke up after a few seconds since he was able to breathe normally once more.

"Why did you...?"

"I don't know. I just... cannot bear the sight of you in that state anymore." Shiki lowered his head, focusing his vision on the floor below. "You may leave if you wish. I will not keep you here against your will any longer." There was a slight sorrowful tone in the black-haired male's voice. He felt as though he would never again see the man he grew to love after that night.

A few moments passed before Shiki finally felt a pair of warm arms wrap around his body from behind. Akira then spoke in a soft tone as he held his former captor in a gentle embrace.

"I'm not going to leave you. There's no way I could leave you after finding out that you feel the same way."

Shiki's scarlet eyes instantly widened upon hearing those words.

"I noticed that you've been acting more... caring with me recently." The silver-haired teenager slowly closed his eyes as he spoke, still holding onto the other man. "I felt that you weren't a completely terrible person after all... and I... I think I somehow began to fall for you. I won't leave you, Shiki... not ever."

"Akira..." Shiki whispered under his breath, softly laying his head back on Akira's left shoulder.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The End of a Relationship**

For several months, Shiki and Akira's relationship continued to grow. Shiki gradually became more kindhearted and gentle with his lover. Eventually, he only had sexual intercourse with the younger male after gaining his permission first. He also stopped killing people unless it was absolutely necessary. He had come to understand that Akira disliked killing, and he didn't wish to make the teenager unhappy. He was starting to care more about the other male's feelings than his own... proving that he truly was in love with Akira. Likewise, the silver-haired boy remained by Shiki's side, tolerating the older male's behavior whenever he was in a bad mood or when he decided not to be gentle. He never even tried to run away once after being released from his shackles. The two of them really were quite an interesting pair.

Unfortunately, one fateful day would bring about the destruction of the only happiness Shiki and Akira had felt in years. It started out like any other morning. The bright sunlight shining through an open window caused Shiki to groan quietly. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times, forcing his fuzzy vision into focus. His arms were wrapped around a sleeping, shirtless Akira. Upon seeing the teenager's peaceful, sleeping face, Shiki smiled faintly. He slowly leaned forward, pressing his lips softly against the younger male's own. Mere seconds later, he felt Akira's lips pressing back against his, and those two sapphire eyes opened at last. Shiki finally broke the kiss and spoke up in a soft voice for once.

"Good morning."

"'Morning."

"I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to wake you. I just wanted to steal a kiss before I left."

"It's fine. Are you getting more food today?"

"Yes."

"Then, I'll come with you."

"No, you stay here and get some more rest. You still look quite tired after last night." Shiki lifted his right arm and placed his palm over Akira's cheek, caressing it gently. The left one remained wrapped around the teenager's body still.

"All right then." Akira closed his eyes once more, just relaxing as he nuzzled his cheek against the older man's chest. His expression was utterly peaceful and content... the exact opposite of how it looked on the night he was first brought there.

Shiki's own expression was rather soft for once, and he seemed reluctant to let go of Akira. However, after a few minutes passed, he slowly released the boy from his embrace and stood up. Then, he stepped over to one of the cracked windows and set his gaze on the view outside. The sun was shining brightly, and not a single cloud was present in the sky. The older male was oblivious to the tiny grin that formed on his lips when his lover made a soft comment about the weather.

"It's a beautiful day out, huh?" The teenager's icy blue eyes were opened just a sliver, and he was lying on his side as he gazed at Shiki.

"It seems so."

"When you return, should we take a walk?"

"I suppose we could... _or_ we could spend the night indoors and deepen our bond." Shiki's tiny smile turned slightly mischievous, which had become a common occurrence as of late.

"Or both..." Akira suggested, and he had a faint smile form on his lips also. He seemed amused by the dominant man's idea.

"Hmm, you present a valid argument." Shiki slowly turned around, rubbing his chin as he faced Akira again. "A compromise seems to be the only fitting solution in this situation. We shall take a walk, have a picnic, and then return home for a love session. Fair enough?"

"It sounds more than fair. It sounds absolutely wonderful." The teenager's smile widened slightly, causing the other male's smile to follow suit.

"Well, I'm glad that you're pleased with the idea." Shiki started to walk toward the door after picking up his katana.

"Shiki, you're not going to..."

"No. It is merely for self-defense purposes. You take care while I'm gone." The black-haired man glanced back at the love of his life one last time, then started to descend the stairs of the building.

Completely ignorant of the horrid events that would take place just a few hours into his future, he left the building. As he made his way toward the most populated district, he encountered a group of men who engaged him in battle. However, instead of killing them as he would have done in the past, Shiki merely rendered each of them unconscious. Eventually, he arrived at his destination and acquired enough rations to last for three days. Then, he began the return journey. By the time he arrived at his home again, nearly two hours had passed... and the sight that awaited him was not what he expected. The entire building was in ruins, and he instantly dropped the armful of solids that he had been carrying.

"Akira!" Shiki's eyes widened in shock and disbelief, and he began to search the rubble for any signs of life. After a few minutes of rummaging, he heard a quiet cough nearby. Following the sound, Shiki finally discovered Akira's whereabouts. The teenager was buried under a small pile of rubble, and only his head was visible. Shiki bent down beside his lover, and there was intense concern in his eyes.

"Akira, can you hear me?!"

"Sh... Shiki?" Akira replied, turning his head to look at the other male. He suddenly coughed again, and small streams of blood started flowing out from both corners of his mouth.

"Yes, I'm here." Shiki touched the younger male's cheek softly with two of his fingers, and then he started to push the debris off of him. "What happened?"

"Th-there was a f... f-fight... between t-two groups h-here... th-they wrecked... the place... and I c-c-couldn't... escape in t-time..."

"Do you know where they are now?"

"N-no..." Akira shook his head slightly, and he suddenly winced, releasing an agonized moan as Shiki knocked off more of the rubble.

"I'm sorry. It will hurt, but I'll make sure to get all of this rubble off of you."

"Y-you... don't h-have... to ap-pologize..."

It took half an hour for Shiki to completely free Akira. Unfortunately, the silver-haired boy was extremely pale, and most of his internal organs had been crushed. He was covered in large bruises, and he couldn't move any part of his body below his neck. His right arm was twisted around backwards, and his left foot was completely crushed... some of the bones were poking out from his flesh. It was quite obvious that his survival would be impossible.

The black-haired man bent down beside his beloved one, carefully lifting the teenager's head and upper body into his arms. For once, his eyes seemed to be growing wet. This was quite an unusual event... he hadn't cried since he was a child.

"Akira, you have to keep your eyes open... you have to focus on me."

"I-I'm tr... trying..." Every few seconds, Akira's eyes started to close, and he had to force them open once again. His chest heaved violently with each breath he took, struggling to force oxygen into his damaged lungs.

"Tch..." Shiki clenched his teeth tightly, still attempting to hold back his own tears.

"It f-feels... so warm... i-in your arms..."

"Shhh. You shouldn't speak anymore. Just try to breathe."

"B-but... I h-have to tell you s-something..." Ignoring Shiki's advice, he began to speak once more, gasping for breath in between words. "...y-you've ch-changed... so much s-since I first met you... a-and you've become a b-better man. I l-love you... Shiki... a-and I want y-you to live a n-normal life... a h-happy life... just l-like how you m-made me happy."

"Akira, you sh-"

"D-don't seek revenge o-on the men wh-who did this... I know th-that's what you were thinking of d-doing... revenge w-won't change a-anything or make you any h-happier. Just leave... l-leave Toshima forever... a-and try to live a n-normal life..."

"But I-"

"...I love you, Shiki..." The teenager's voice was growing more quiet by the second, and he could barely keep his eyes open. "...I j-just... want you... t-to live... a p-peaceful life. Please... do it f-for me..."

"All right..." In order to satisfy his lover, Shiki agreed... but he only partially meant it. His own voice was nearly cracking as he spoke, and his warm tears were threatening to fall soon.

Akira shut his beautiful, sapphire eyes, and the corners of his lips curved upward to form a faint smile.

"I'm s-so... glad I... m-met you... Shiki..." Upon uttering those final, barely audible words, Akira exhaled one last time, and his entire body went completely limp. His heartbeat and pulse had stopped forever.

Shiki's eyes immediately widened, and he stared down at the silver-haired boy's lifeless body in shock as he held it in his arms. He began to shake the teenager gently, as if to provoke a response. However, there was none... nothing. All signs of life had completely left Akira. A broken shell was the only thing that remained. The black-haired male's lower lip began to quiver, and after a few moments of pained silence, he released the loudest scream of his entire life.

"AKIRAAAAA!"

* * *

Shiki's fist was clenched so tightly around the hilt of his katana that his knuckles were in danger of breaking. His crimson eyes were still fixed on the city below as he stood on the roof of a tall building. They were filled with hints of sorrow, agony, hatred, and confusion. His entire body was tensed up, revealing that he was extremely conflicted about something.

"...but every time I imagine myself killing them, I always hear your final words in my head... Akira..."

A tear rolled down his cheek, and he slowly began to loosen his grip around the weapon, inhaling and exhaling deeply as he did so. His muscles began to relax, although they were still trembling slightly.

"I cannot do it... I cannot go against your wishes, no matter how much I desire their deaths." He finally released the katana, allowing it to drop off the side of the building. "I cannot kill _him _either." As he spoke, he lifted the hand that had formerly been holding his katana and set his palm over his face. "You are entirely to blame for this, Akira... I have become soft. I have found the heart that I thought I had lost forever. It's so painful... this is why I never wished to struggle with such feelings again. You have caused me intense suffering... however, you also made me more happy than I've ever been in my life."

He stood silently in that position for several minutes, giving himself time to ponder over all of the thoughts that were swirling around in his mind. At last, he took in yet another deep breath and leapt from the rooftop, landing on a lower one.

"My new purpose for living is to strive for a new life... a new life free from battles as you so desired." Shiki's eyes displayed a new determination. Although it had been a difficult choice for him, it was now clear that he wished to follow Akira's final wish more than anything. Before long, his feet were again resting upon the ground. He started walking once more, and he soon vanished into the shadows of the night as he departed from Toshima, never to return.


	3. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

The bustling city sidewalk was crowded as usual, nearly causing a traffic jam of people. It would be impossible to squeeze in between the other bodies in an attempt to reach a certain destination more quickly. However, one particular figure walking amongst the other people seemed rather calm and patient in spite of his current circumstances... which gave the impression that he was wandering aimlessly. He was sporting a long, black cloak with a hood, and his face was utterly concealed. As he passed by a small girl, she suddenly tripped and dropped the bag she was carrying. As a result, dozens of colorful marbles spilled out all over the concrete. The young child whimpered, and her lower lip began to quiver.

Moments later, the man in the black cloak bent down beside the girl and picked up one of her marbles, returning it to the bag shortly. An expression of surprise appeared on the child's face, and she watched in silence as the stranger began to retrieve each of her wayward marbles. Once they had all been dropped into the bag again, a large smile formed on her lips. "Thanks, Mister! You're really nice!" She giggled cheerfully, and her face had brightened significantly. The man merely nodded in response, watching as the child took off once more. Afterward, he turned in the opposite direction and continued on his way.

As he kept walking along, he slowly lifted his head toward the clear, blue sky. The lower half of his face became visible when he did so, revealing that he was also wearing a faint smile. It wasn't a malevolent smile though. It was a genuinely satisfied and content smile... a smile he had rarely displayed since he was that young child's age. It was quite clear that he managed to find his happiness in this world... a world without fighting. His formerly cold and distant heart had been introduced to the warmth of love... which helped him to understand concepts such as compassion. He could finally relate to others in a way that he never could before. Thus, his desire to kill had almost completely vanished.

Keeping his vision fixed on the sapphire sky above, he released a soft sigh. It was the same color as those beautiful eyes that he once lovingly gazed into... the eyes of the man who had changed his life forever...


End file.
